2

Open letter of apology to Emirates

So our flight to London didn’t go quite as well as I’d hoped but I’m humble enough to know when to say sorry*.

Firstly, I don’t want my marathon 10 hour crying session to be misconstrued as something more sinister than the simple fact that I like to cry. I genuinely do. It was the first thing I learnt to do when I was born so naturally I have a fond attachment. Did I need to raise those cries to bloodcurdling screams that made my grown mum weep? Probably not, but oh well.

Oops, I’m supposed to be apologising… OK, so I suppose I should say I’m sorry I almost didn’t grace you all with my presence on the flight from Perth to Dubai. It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that mum and Aunty J were hopeless at multi-tasking when it came to filling out their immigration forms and chasing me around the airport. Luckily, we made last call and the look of relief on all your faces when I made it on board didn’t go unnoticed 🙂 You’re welcome.

I guess I’m sorry the guy sitting behind me was too boring to be impressed by my ability to bounce back and forth in my seat. Those seats are surprisingly springy! I am also sorry you were so preoccupied with the red adults only liquid you somehow managed to spill all over your clothes that you failed to notice my cuteness. Your loss.

I’m sorry my fun Aunty J morphed into Aunty KJ (Kill Joy) during the flight by putting on a blindfold and headphones and pretending she wasn’t with me. Her loss also.

I’m sorry my buzzkill mum avoided eye contact with all other passengers because she was “mortified by my behaviour”. Don’t worry, I was also mortified by hers. She tried everything to keep me quiet when all I wanted to do was scream. She just made the whole experience unpleasant.

I know it was a bedtime flight so I really should have been sleeping. My parents go on about me sleeping through the night as if it’s my greatest skill but I think screaming for 10 hours straight and keeping a whole plane awake requires much more stamina and strength of character. I’m sorry if there are some of you who don’t see it that way.

A shout-out to the business class steward who came and asked if I was OK. Knowing that I was seated close to such important people who were clearly acknowledging my presence was the highlight of my otherwise bleak flight.

Finally, I’m sorry all the other tots on the flight were super quiet in comparison. They give the rest of us tots a bad name.

Little C

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*Disclaimer: #sorrynotsorry

 

0

surviving a long-haul flight with parents

photoMy first experience with a long-haul flight was a lot like my birth day – exhausting, unending, extremely cramped, with mum playing the victim and me coming out the other end feeling dazed and confused. Of course I’m apprehensive about my long-haul flight to London tonight.

Here’s the problem with flying with adults – they’re a tough crowd, and unless you were lucky enough to be a globe-TOTter on this flight – http://www.buzzfeed.com/bradesposito/the-lion-king-plane – chances are your vocal talents will go unappreciated.

And if you look really closely at the video, you will notice a few party-poopers who are clearly not impressed. I mean, if a Disney song can’t generate a smile from these kill joys, what chance do us waddlers have?

At the grocery store, my screams and yells are much more appreciated. People take notice. Some old ladies even come and offer my clueless mum some very welcome advice, like “she must be hungry” or “she is cold”. Basically it is all about me, as it should be.

But in the air, people pretend I’m not there. I get zero attention. I know, it still baffles me considering how exceptionally cute I am. So here are some tips to make long haul flights more enjoyable:

DON’T spend too long enjoying your “travel bag of fun”. While I admit this bag (usually filled with all your favourite toys, books and snacks) is pretty cool, if you spend hours being occupied by this you will miss out on getting the attention you deserve from all your fellow travellers.

DO kick and push the seat in front of you while your on your mum’s lap. It might take a while but I guarantee the passenger in front will turn around and some point and notice you in all your cute glory. Success 🙂

DON’T fall asleep. On most long-haul flights they will start to dim the lights. Some planes will even turn on some twinkling lights that look like stars to trick you into thinking it is time to go to sleep. Don’t fall for it because if you do, you could find yourself silently napping for HOURS when it’s not even your proper bed-time.

DO fill your nappy with a smelly surprise if you feel your mum’s body begin go limp under you. Parents aren’t as clever as us and they usually fall for the “lights off” trick straight away. Amateurs. A smelly diaper should arouse her from her silent stupor. She’ll thank you later for making her flight more exciting. I mean who wants to sleep the entire flight when it’s not even their bed-time? Boring!

DON’T give up. I know it is harder to get your vocal prowess appreciated on long-haul flights but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. Persistence pays off and I can almost guarantee you will maybe get one passenger who looks your way and kind of smiles at you for making their journey that little bit more special. Note: Their smile might resemble a grimace but any attention is a win.

You’re welcome

Little C

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5

No place like home

Perth, WA. It's small, but pretty special. Like me :)

Perth, WA. It’s small, but pretty special. Like me 🙂

I’m getting super excited about embarking on my three month European adventure in less than three weeks! If you take nothing else away from this peeps, learn the number three, then you’ll think of me – as you should.

Of course I am apprehensive about travelling with the parentals (if you’ve just joined us, read previous blogs for my justified apprehension) buuuut my Aunty J is coming too, which should make things much more enjoyable. She always passes me all sorts of treats when Mum and Dad aren’t looking and responds more positively to my vocal capabilities.

Basically, when I say jump, she asks how high so I am pleased with this one – some adults just don’t catch on that quickly. I plan to just have fun with her on the long flight because let’s be honest, mum will be useless LOL.

I know I’m going to see some great places but even the most seasoned globe-TOTter can get a little homesick. So before I go see castles and enjoy playdates with Prince George*, here is the low-down on the place I call home – Perth, Western Australia.

* Disclaimer. No playdate has yet been confirmed with the prince but I am extremely confident it will happen. He has made his intentions known by recently visiting Australia to try to get me to notice him. I’m most impressed by how he deliberately didn’t come to Perth so as not to come across as aggressively keen. Watch this space.

PERTH BEACHES: Don’t let the sharks scare you away, they don’t come in as shallow as we go! It’s the adults that have to “worry” about that when they go deep. They seem to love worrying about things anyway LOL. So many Perth beaches are great for tots because the water is clear and as calm as me during a long car ride. Just kidding, I’m never calm on long car rides LOL. I’ve heard many European beaches are pebbly, which is not really conducive to making sand castles – the best part of any beach visit in my very valuable opinion.

Soft sand for waddling on

Soft sand for waddling on at Rockingham Beach

And for making sand castles!

And for making sand castles!

No sharks in these very shallow, clear waters! :)

No sharks in these very shallow waters! 🙂

 

KINGS PARK: A great place to perfect your waddling skills. There is so much open space to explore and because it is so high up, there is so much to see too!

King's Park is definitely fit for this little princess!

King’s Park is definitely fit for this little princess!

The view is pretty cool

The view is pretty cool

You can waddle for miles

You can waddle for miles

 

LOTTERYWEST FAMILY AREA, KINGS PARK: One of my favourite hang-outs. There are different zones for different age groups so the older kids don’t bother us tots while we play! And a shout-out to the barista at Steaky Beak Cafe – you made sure my babyccino had just the right amount of chocolate (i.e. lots or “loads” for my impending UK audience).

Babyccino at Sticky Beak cafe mmmmmm!

Babyccino at Sticky Beak cafe mmmmmm!

Aunty J knows how to have fun unlike buzzkill mum.

Aunty J knows how to have fun unlike my buzzkill mum

Toddler at play!

Toddler at play!

Big books for little people

Big books for little people 🙂

 

HILLARYS BOAT HARBOUR: What’s a tot not to love about this place? There’s the Aquarium of WA where you can find Nemo and even Dory, a nice beach to build sand castles and have fun in the water, and picnic areas to play. There are also some cafes but just yell if your parentals are sitting there too long and they’ll probably take you to one of the more exciting areas. Note: this can backfire if you find yourself buckled back up in the car and heading towards “napsville”.

Sharks at AQWA!

Sharks at AQWA!

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Piggyback ride!

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So many colourful fish!

Me and dad at the Hillarys Boat Harbour beach area

Me with dad at the Hillarys Boat Harbour beach area

 

Little C x

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0

How to put the sport in passport photos

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Getting my passport photo taken is about as fun as getting my nappy changed.

The first time I had to get it done was a drag, but I was only 8 weeks old and had no head control back then. There really was no other option but to just lay back on a big white board and let them take my photo. Yawn.

But I have discovered that this nap-inducing exercise doesn’t have to be as “straight-forward” and “simple” as the parentals will try to make it. This time round, being older and wiser with much better control of my head, I put the sport in taking passport photos.

We got to the post office and the lady (who looked like as much of a buzzkill as the parentals) asked mum to hold me against a white board while she took my photo.

That’s when I started my game. The goal was to look to my left, right, up, down, basically anywhere but the camera. LOL. To make things a little more exciting, I would stare at the camera until just before it clicked before looking away. Extra points for pulling funny faces.

Apparently I was the only one having fun because the lady told mum to go somewhere “better equipped” to photograph me. Sore loser. Mum looked really stressed, probably because my game was stopped short and she knows how much I hate when that happens.

The next place we went was pretty cool though because they had a little chair for me to sit on, which gave me a lot more room to move about. This time, the stakes were raised because the nice lady was pulling funny faces and tempting me to look her way but don’t worry, I resisted. LOL. I overheard the lady saying she got one photo but it wasn’t very good. Winning!

With no other option mum and dad took me home and got the camera out AGAIN! Wow, I managed to turn a dull five-minute activity into a sport of marathon proportions. It was like a game of tag but this time I wasn’t disadvantaged by my much smaller legs.

Mum and dad did eventually get the “perfect shot” but in my defence, I had been playing for hours by this stage and didn’t really bring my little C-game.

Happy waddling globe-TOTters!

Little C

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0

Dad lost his stride in San Francisco

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Any city where I get piggyback rides is going to rate highly in my books. Note to all globe-TOTter parentals – more piggy back rides and less cafe visits. Got it? Good.

Is San Fran as liveable as mum and dad will tell you? Sure, if you don’t mind a slow-paced lifestyle.

It’s a hilly city, which sounds like fun right? Wrong. Dad may as well have been moving backwards while pushing me uphill in my pram. Lets just say it made my 36-hour grand entrance into this world seem like a quick sprint in comparison. Mum might not agree, but she can be dramatic at the best of times.

A few encouraging yells from me prompted dad to pick up the pace, a little. Something about my encouraging yells always make mum and dad move a little quicker.

All in all, I would definitely recommend it to fellow globe-TOTters. The tram rides were fun, the skies were blue, the big orange bridge was pretty, even if the parentals kept calling it golden (and they give me a hard time about learning my colours).

A shout out to the guy in the hotel room next to ours – thanks for showing your support by banging on our wall when I was exercising my lungs at 3am. It really gave me the motivation I needed to carry on into the wee hours of the morning. Maybe you could teach my parents a thing or two about appreciating my healthy set of lungs.

HIGHLIGHTS
* piggyback ride
* nice weather
* cruising in my pram all day long

LOWLIGHTS
* San Fran, please reconsider cioppino as a signature dish. While mum and dad raved about it, I wasn’t allowed shellfish during my visit because I was under the legal age. Not fun
* dad losing his stride uphill and walking slower than I could crawl

Toddler-friendly rating – 4/5 (willing to bump this up to 4.5 if you change your signature dish to something more palatable for tots)

Till next time!
Little C

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Hurry up dad!

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The bridge is ORANGE people

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The parks were fun!

2

A globe-TOTter’s guide to travelling with parents

I often hear the parentals talking wistfully of a time they travelled B.C (before Charlotte). A few words like ‘spontaneous’ ‘late nights’ and ‘packing light’ get thrown around and honestly, I just feel sorry for them. Life before me was clearly very boring.

Can you imagine going somewhere without all your favourite teddies and special blankets, and venturing out of the hotel room past 8pm? Yuck.

Our first vacation was a flop. I get it, mum can be a buzzkill, but the fact everyone was praying they didn’t have to sit next to her on the flight was just embarrassing.

The thing is, she really is so nice once you get to know her but the man sitting next to us wasn’t even willing to give her a chance. He looked mortified when he realised he had to sit next to mummy.

Once he scooted over so all my teddies, bottles, snacks and storybooks could fit in the row, I tried to brighten the mood by showing off all the new sounds I had recently discovered but once again the buzzkill ruined the fun by pleading for me to “sushhh”.

It’s no wonder the man was shooting death stares our way the entire flight. On behalf of my mum, I am truly sorry.

She also wanted to wait until we were taking off to give me my milk. Amateur. Don’t worry, I didn’t wait. I yelled and got my milk ASAP.

We take off and my ears start hurting so what does mum try to do? Shove more milk down my throat. She never gets it. Listen lady, my ears hurt, I don’t want milk or snacks right now. Just let me scream in peace for the next few hours. Thank you.

Then, two days into our trip, I hear mum say she needs a holiday to get over this one. Say what? What’s there to get over? I let her “laze” by the pool for a full half hour before I screamed the place down. What six month old wants to “laze” anyway? LOL. I’m in bed by 8pm and don’t start crying for a full two hours and I get up only an hour or so earlier than I do at home. How much more relaxing can this get?

So there was that minor incident when she was changing me on the hotel bed and I really needed to go right there and then. Things got a little messy, but life is messy. Besides, she did say she missed spontaneity. It does’t get more spontaneous than that right? You’re welcome mum.

Little C

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‘Lazing’ by the pool in Scottsdale, Arizona. On what planet is this considered fun?